"I always hated that lazy 'torture porn'
tag that got created by the media in an attempt to afflict certain horror
movies with negativity. Labelling flicks as vile, depraved and immoral, invariably
though, sold more tickets and moved more product - no such thing as bad publicity,
etc. This is why the musical equivalent of that tag, 'Torture Rock', is a
perfect title for the new album from Chesty Malone and the Slice 'Em Ups because,
simply, this is a band that deserves to be discovered by more people. Oh yeah,
and because they are vile, depraved and immoral....
If you're curious as to why the word 'rock' was chosen to replace 'porn' for
this album's torturous title then listen no further than stunning album track
'Panic At Point Doom', a startling stun gun blow of a tune that houses in
its mid-section a riff so gargantuan that it would surely defeat any creature
that dared to terrorise the band's home in New York, be it a Beast From 20,000
Fathoms or that computer generated fucker from Cloverfield.
The Slice 'Em Ups' crazed chimera of punk and metal, all by way of horror
culture, trashy B-movies and cult cathode ray sickness, is as fucked up and
furious as they come. Fronted by the female trouble that is Jaqueline Blownaparte
- think the undead Penny Singleton starring in Blondie Goes To Monroeville
Mall - the band will appeal to all dark denizens of sleazy, old school clubs
where gutter punk 'n' roll is peddled like cheap drugs and bad sex. Ramming
Motorhead, Misfits and The Cramps through the mangler, this band have fashioned
a seedy sound that is an eerie exercise in badass songsmithery and bad taste
but, as John Waters once said, bad taste is what entertainment is all about.
Entertainment, at its rawest, purest, was what grabbed a hold of me when I
first heard 'Now We're Gonna See What Disaster Really Means', the 2008 debut
from this bunch of sadistic song birthers. That previous record was a repulsive
revelation and this follow-up - a split EP with hardcore mob Reason To Fight
dissected the three year wait - raises the bar significantly; who said sequels
are never better?
If you've heard 'Zombie Relief Fund' (or seen the lumbering lo-fi music video)
previously then you'll know that Chesty Malone and the Slice 'Em Ups have
lost none of their macabre sense of humour, yet there is a serious shift in
quality on this sophomore release, both production and sound wise, and, as
I loved that first album, I don't utter this statement lightly. Blownaparte
sounds better, gnarlier, scarier, than ever and the guitars of Anthony Allen
Van Hoek simply slay, throwing out chugging metal riffs alongside trashy three
chord rock 'n' roll wonders.
Bookended by a gloomy, ghoulish intro/outro, 'Torture Rock', like its predecessor,
is the haunted home for thirteen schlock rock songs - unlucky for some, but
not you if you take the plunge and dive into this new release with teeth bared
and black heart pumping. 'Protest The Unborn' kicks you in the gut and the
punishment doesn't stop for around the next half hour or so....or until you
crawl towards your weeping stereo and try to press repeat with fingers a-trembling,
willing to take it all again with musical masochistic gusto. Anthemic choruses
that sound like cursed mantras seep out of the likes of 'Bloodthirsty, Hungry
& Mean', 'Brainwash Cocktail' and 'Primordial Times', ready to rub gored
shoulders with the frenetic riffmongery of 'My Favourite Things' and 'The
Brain That Ate New York'. 'Bloodsong' is possibly the most accessible that
this band has ever sounded, thankfully, with its grue-afflicted lyrics, without
compromise. 'Quest For Flesh', on the other severed hand, is possibly the
fastest thing that this band has ever created - a noisy, near-perfect minute.
'Exit 13' opens with the band's first open love letter to a heavy Sabbath
influence, a sludgy riff dissolving into frantic punk rock glory.
This Frankenstein's monster of influences, all smeared in an unashamed love
of the horror genre and trashy pop culture, makes for one of the best albums
of the year, without question. All pop punk bands and aficionados of these
record company puppets should get down on their designer denim-cursed knees
and bow down at the altar of Chesty Malone and the Slice 'Em Ups; almost living,
kinda breathing proof that the best punk rock records come from untamed independent
spirit and untutored talent.
'Torture Rock' is unhinged, debauched and, therefore, essential. Buy it or die."
--Gaz E, uberrock.co.uk
"Holy fucking thrash! Given the spooky skulls and vampira vibe
on the artwork, I was expecting some popish horror punk, but Chesty Malone
and her assortment of Slice ‘Em Ups are having none of it. Raging (and
I’m serious) riffs and pounding rhythms assault you in house-shaking
two minute blasts. The best part about Now We’re Gonna See is probably
the vocal work - Chesty doesn’t resort to the usual default personas
with this type of music (ungodly shrieking or ‘hey-look-I’m-a-saucy-broad’
come-hither cutesy-ness), instead just roaring with the best of them like
a zombified L7. Additionally, the gruff male backing vocals are great and
work perfectly.
The guitar shredding on “Trouble With Cannibals” is insane, and
I kept expecting a gang of bikers to pull into my driveway at any minute,
drawn like sharks to blood in the water by the rough and tumble howling of
what might be one of the scene’s heaviest
horror thrashers. Watch your back Lemmy, Chesty is gunning for you."
- JT Habersaat / Altercation Magazine"
"First off what a great name for a band. Chesty Malone and the Slice
'Em Ups are a hard rocking punk band bloodsoaked in sleaze and attitude. Jaqueline
Blownapart has a truly unique voice. It sounds like she has been taking shots
of whiskey over broken glass, but she still manages to be tuneful and melodic
while showing plenty of range. Think a female version of Lee Ving (Fear).
The guitars here are straight up in your face rock 'n roll with some crazed
over the top leads. The bass and drums sound great and hold the chaos together.
The first song "Satan Met a Lady" is a high octane thrashing punker.
Jaqueline menaces and wails about what is wrong with the world (CB's Closing,
Sid Vicious dying, Bono), but Satan was so attracted to her sinning that together
they are going to bring us down and show us what disaster is all about. "Trouble
with Cannibals" is an NYC punk classic. This song starts with tribal
drumming with rhymic scratchy gutiars over it, before kicking into a frantic
thrasher that is so catchy you will be singing it your sleep for a week. If
that is not enough, their is a swaggering break that moves into a face melting
eye popping solo that wouldn't be out of place on Metallica's Kill 'Em All.
"13 Killers" starts off slowly with distorted ringing guitars with
some great leads over it. Jaqueline shows a deeper range in her voice as she
tells us some things about serial killers. This song then kicks into high
gear, then into higher gear before slowing into a echoing bluesy riff. "B.P.P.S.
(Eat Shit) is a total riot. The guitar intro is smoking and breaks into a
pounding rhythm while the vocals terrorize and condemn us about the state
of the city. "Skincrawl" is another fantastic track. The vocals
here are saucy, mean and nasty. The guitars are swaggering old school garage
punk, and the chorus has enough "Whooahhs" in it to make the Misfits
say "Whoa."
I really can't say enough good things about this album. The streaming myspace
files for some of these songs due them no justice at all and manage to remove
the subtle details of what make this so great. What I really like about this
record is that it has such a great old school feel. I love that are so many
wild guitar breaks and leads. The vocals are rowdy and rough. The songs are
full of violence, discontent, condemnation, attitude, blood, guts and ghouls;
everything a punk record should have. If you dig Fear, The Stooges, The Dead
Boys, or early Suicidal Tendencies, get this."
--Tony, Hell Feels Like Home
"Seems when bands focus on horror flicks, they fall into two general categories: you have the non-human monsters, (such as Children of the Night and The Scared Stiffs), or the human monsters (e.g., cannibals and mass murderers), such as The Cramps and now CHESTY MALONE AND THE SLICE ‘EM UPS. Their CD, “Now We’re Gonna See What Disaster Really Means” (Wrecked; c/o chestymalone.com), is a fuckin’ hoot. Post-hardcore speed with a New York ‘80s style, they pound their way through 13 numbers, such as “Trouble With Cannibals” (one of my faves), “13 Killers” (what, no mention of New Yorker Albert Fish?), “Meat Factory,” “Skincrawl,” “Livereaters,” “Dotti Douchebag Sings the Blues,” and “Beavershot.” Thing is, from the first to the last, this is such a fun release, that its 30 minutes goes by so quickly. Chesty Malone, in her latest incarnation (she was the lead singer of Lady Unluck), is Jaqueline Blownaparte, whose throaty voice is not so much a death rattle, as it is a body slam, using a 24-pounder. The rest of the band, which includes her partner/co-writer/guitarist Anthony Allen van Hoek, keeps up with her (or she keeps up with them…either way it works). There are a lot of cool subtle film references throughout, such as “Spiderbaby” in “Livereaters” and perhaps “The Corpse Grinders” in “Meat Factory.” I haven’t caught them live, but it’s definitely on the agenda."
--Robert Barry Francos, Jersey Beat Fanzine
"These guys are essentially a trashy metal band with a singer from the
post-Plasmatics school of rock and a slathering of biker-punk chutzpah. Lyrically,
however, they seem to have cribbed notes from many a splatter flick, resulting
in music that sounds like kin to Los Angeles’ long-gone, much-missed
Haunted Garage, minus the rat traps on the eyes, brain-in-a-jar, and copious
amounts of blood."
-–Jimmy Alvarado, Razorcake Mag
"While the singer dishes out more sass than trash, Chesty Malone & the Slice ‘em Ups would bloody more than a few lips in any rock–n-roll rumble. They stick to the basic horror-core punk–n-roll style, but do so with a few tricks up their bloodied ripped off sleeves beyond the usual three chords. The guitar has garage attitude, with plenty of tough flourishes and the vocals have the range from snotty punk to intense & edgy rock-n-roll. Frolicking bass-lines with fast and furious drums propel the album's best songs “Ghouls & Gangs” & “BPPS (eat shit)”, which tear along at full throttle, seemingly ready to run off the road at any minute. Chesty Malone & the Slice ‘em Ups approach the landscape of horror-core at its finest with skin-crawling lyrics combined with an eerie rock-n-roll flair. In other words this would be the perfect soundtrack for sneaking off to lover’s lane or make-out point to literally rock the night away."
--Jonny Taint, Punk Rock Review
"Next up were Chesty Malone and the Slice 'em Ups. I have been hearing quite the buzz about these guys and was really excited about finally seeing them live and in the rotting flesh! (quite possibly the best name for a band) Fronted by the unrelenting Jaqueline Blownaparte, a frontwoman not to be messed with! I got an eye and earful of punishing blood, sweat, sex and gore. Great gutsy theatrics and brutal punk rock with an edge all its own. This is the kind of live show so few bands have the balls to perform. Rock n' roll is supposed to be dangerous! My favorite song was "Beavershot", dedicated to all us ladies. I'm pretty sure I got one from where I was standing, or perhaps it was the toxic mixture of libations flowin' through me. Chesty Malone and the Slice 'em Ups are my new favorite NYC band."
--Karol Khaos, NY Waste Mag
"This month's soundtrack to a speeding ticket goes to Chesty Malone & the Slice 'em Ups and their latest five song rocker. Heavy kickin' tunes that will have you flying, crusher guitars and graveyard vocals - imagine Motorhead versus Sabbath to see who gets to go drinkin' with the grim reaper."
--Starr Tucker, NY Waste Mag
"The lead singer of this band is hot and totally scary!"
--KustomKitten, GigPosters.com